dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
