My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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