we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think we might need a safe word for this...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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