I just made out with a guy for $7.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize