Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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