she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
