my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
