you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
