Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
ttyl tear gas
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
