i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
