I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
