Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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