great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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