a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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