Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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