Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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