when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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