Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
