There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
