dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Pants are for mortals
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize