Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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