I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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