Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My dick has a subreddit
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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