My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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