Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
im on a boat
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