How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
