i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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