In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
