people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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