What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
