Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
