the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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