I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
