Barsexuality is the new black.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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