Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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