our cab driver is having phone sex.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
