you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize