he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
