my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize