I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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