so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
