Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You are a genius and a whore.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
