Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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