I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Semen is not good for contacts.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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