Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
