I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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