I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
