I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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