i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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