Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
