captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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