I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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