im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
