i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
