shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
