Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize