they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
