There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
