I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
