chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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