I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize