I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
