So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
