so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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