just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Of course I have a pirate flag
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
