I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Randomize
