I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
