everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize