Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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