end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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