So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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