Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
