That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
